Christmas Shopping

I take christmas very seriously.

I'm serious about caring. The caring doesn't come in how much money you spend. It really is the thought that counts.

See, Christmas in your 20's can become quite demoralising, when gifts suddenly revert from new phones, designer jeans and possiblly even deposits on cars acquired in your teen years to your standard socks, chocolates and maybe a coffee table book with humourous pictures.

But a few years back it got just ridiculous. I didn't even get fucking socks and chocolates, but a worthless procession of stupid novelty trinkets and stuff like nuts and preserves with absolutely 0% chocolate content. That's right, there wasn't even chocolate arounf the nuts.

I was shocked.

It was time for pay back.

I vowed every christmas, each uncle, each aunty, each cousin would recieve a gift that would put the rest of my families gift giving skills to shame.

I think it's also a bit of showing my family that I'm "doing alright" especially as two of my uncles are highly qualified systems engineers, while every year, after my grandma finishes making her point about how long its been since I came to visit her, progressively more emphasis comes to be placed on . . .

"so, have you got a girlfriend at the moment . . . ?"

No grandma, I want to do something with the rest of my life other than cuddling on the couch and watching DVD's.


So now . . . let me just get off the psychiatrists couch and down to business. This is how it played out:

First, to the book sale behind Silver Bell in Eden Terrace. This is a perrenial for me, because books are well likened to "come like the sniper" so to speak.

Chocolate and socks maybe the scattershot, but with a book or CD (more on CD's later) it has to be aimed perfectly or it could miss completely and register no damage. With the right book though, it can be a direct hit. And of course, books seem expensive.

For my mum, who is seriously hooked on trading antiques on trademe, I picked up a book all about antique auctions and trading for $10. A hard cover with heaps of full colour pics.

For my Grandma and Dad / Step mum I bought them both a full colour handbook that explains really simple stuff about using digital technology - cameras, computers, phones - they both use email but I think thats where they're at. Those were $7.50

My Kid brother is doing the transformers thing hard, I know mum's got him Megatron, the baddie leader. So he's got a transformers colouring book, and sticker set which was under $10.

Then to St. Lukes, which I detest.

St. Lukes was built to keep white trash from the suburbs ransacking the cultural superiority of places like my beloved home, Grey Lynn, and to this day it keeps these rabid scores of neanderthals at bay.

So I concluded that I am not attracted to teenage girls, there's just no girls my age. They're all in australia. Or something. They turn 21 and they ship them off. All I see is girls who are too young for me, and women with prams.

Anyway. Body Shop. This year I wasn't going to rely on Body Shop. So I grabbed a little somethin' under the $20 mark for each my Mum, my grandma, my step mum and my aunty. To my mum that's a safe bet, maybe too safe. But to my step mum, body shop is still "classy" so that's solid.

Oh and the girls who work there are always cute. And they love to see a guy going to an effort to pick something just right for mum. They just need customer friendly name tags identifying which girls are single.

Then to K Mart. We work the numbers here. Cousins and Uncles are not gonna care they got the same as another cousin or uncle. As long as its solid.

AND another thing I learnt: You score points with the adults (uncles + mums) if you give their kids (cousins + brothers ) decent gear. this is big advice.

Now the kids are gonna be stoked with chocolate because it's safe as, but to score points with the parents I also go the art supplies, because cousin Matt is all about inspiring creativity, not just sugar induced mayhem. $3.50 gets you a set of Happy Feet felt pens, and theres Barbie for the girls too.

I also picked up a Lego Garbage truck for my kid brother cos it's all transformers and lego and the garbage truck comes with cool moving parts (to me lego is all about getting good parts) and actual trash that goes in the trash compartment. And I'm totally yknow . . . Christmas is for kids, so I don't mind spending a bit extra. God knows I had it pretty sweet til I hit 18.

Then shit loads of bloody mixed nut/dried fruit kinda things for my uncles and mothers boyfriend. See i'm turning into a real foodie these days and though I've got the standard dodgy import k mart fare I'm also getting them all those new Thai lime and chilli cashews because it's tasty as hell for off the shelf shit and again, looks "classy". I also bought a case of Grapetiser to throw a couple of bottles of that in there.

Finally . . . a cd is still special to old people, they think its worth something, they still pay $25 for Fat Freddy's Drop or Hollie Smith or whatever makes my 50ish uncles/aunties/parents partners feel young and groovy. And they'll feel bloody groovy as when I plop them down each a "Merry Christmas from Matt" home burnt and printed CD with a tunes like "young folks" on it.

Not only do they value it, but you pick up extra "craft" points for falling into the hand/home made category.

Even my grandma will like "Young Folks", she doesn't have to know it was one of the hippest tunes of the year. And I'm sure my Uncles will love "Hey there delilah" and "She moves in her own way" without having to know that even good music can be bad when it's aimed at the teenage/mainstream market.

DON"T FORGET!!!

I'M HAVING A PARTY AT SAFARI LOUNGE IN PONSONBY ON SUNDAY IF YOU WANT TO COME!!! IT"S FREE!!! 8PM - 3 AM

SEEYA AND HAVE A MERRY CHRISTMAS!!!